X mas in Sweden!

Yeah, that's right. It's great to meet up with them all. Had some really nice food and drinks yesterday. The good times will continue to roll today. First out is some salmon and then it's back to the herring and traditional stuff. I've also watched some TV, Brainiac. Catching up on most of my favourite Burningheart bands' videos along with some feature films like Star Wars III and Sin City. Golden politically correct phrase from Marv (I think): "She´s a dyke. God knows why. With a body like that, she could have any man".

Low society at it´s highest! Karl

This Is What I Am Talking About

Check out the terror level in the US along with positive evolution. Sometimes even the Canadians make sense.

Cows with horns dancing in the sky

Well,

it's that time of year again. Consumerism, Cholesterol and Christianity at its highest. The big fat man is coming down the chimney only to dissapoint you with another tie you never wanted.

However, these things only highlight to me what X-mas is about for myself. For me it's a time to return to home and meet up with large chunks of my family. This happens too rarely for my liking, but it always happen for X-mas, with some exceptions. Also, this is the time I catch up with some friends from high school, since we never bother otherwise. Personally, I never do traditional decorations, though I appreciate them, and at home I can enjoy really good food and a nice X-mas vibe, without the hassle.

Be nice to children, pets and wild animals!
Karl

Seasons Greetings Received

Dear Karl von Helvete esquire,


Now listen here von Helvete and listen close, for this is a cautionary tale from the golden age of Pamparius, where the Apocalypse Dudes are in a mad rush to get it on in a self destructo bust kind of way! Warning: This story contains a dazzling display of talent but also the mortal ring of deathtime. Read on.

As you are aware, it is well known that Turbonegro hate the kids, calling them a bunch of hobbit motherfuckers and screaming at them ‘imorgen skal eg daue’ and all that. However, they too have their enemies, as Raggare are obviously a bunch of motherfuckers who thought that Turbonegro must be destroyed. This caused a war between the Party Animals, which left the Scandinavian leather on the Le Saboteurs drenched in blood, with just flesh being flung everywhere. Horrible.

Now that all my friends from the city of Satan are dead, after getting wasted again and high on the crime, I guess you, Karl, are the only one left to blow me like the wind and then wipe it ‘til it bleeds eh? And by the way, if you see Kaye in the aftermath of this war ravaged land- tell her that I love her and to please stay free, because death from above is not as pleasant as hot stuff, or hot shit for that matter.

But I’m not worried about you remaining untamed Karl, because I know you can always keep your good head in a mobile home. That’s as long as I give you just a minute while you fuck the world! Even though I wanted everything on the train of flesh, I still need your permission to gimme some. Sigh. I suppose I just have to sell my body to the night to get you to ride with us….

The streets are no longer safe. So lastly, to you my sailor man friend, I give you my final warning. Are you ready for some darkness, or to go back to dungaree high? Or perhaps you have already had a rendezvous with anus and ended up in Babylon forever? No? Well then keep listening to that monkey on your back my friend; otherwise you'll end up down humiliation street where you will meet the unholy trinity of the Denim Demon, the Midnight NAMBLA, and the truly terrifying Prince Of The Rodeo. So if you want to see this tri-ology of bad Mongo’s get locked down in the blizzard of flames, it is best to have the Zillion Dollar Sadist and the mighty Black Rabbit by your side at ALL TIMES.

And remember- don’t say motherfucker motherfucker, because these three Ass Cobras have definitely got erection and when provoked, totally rock against ass!

Signed,

Mattolladew


Disclaimer: The information in this letter, together with any attachments, contains every song title from the last 4 Turbonegro recordings- Ass Cobra, Apocalypse Dudes, Scandinavian Leather and Party Animals. If you have received this letter in error then I need to be shot since I gave it to you fucking personally. You must print off, copy, use and disclose its contents to whomever the fuck you want really. The views expressed are totally personal to the sender (that’s me, stupid fuck) and should not be taken as necessarily representing the views of Turbonegro at all (although I’m sure they would love the sentiment). Any laughter, chuckling or even mirth, gained by reading its content is purely coincidental. It is your responsibility to carry out all necessary virus checks, especially for herpes, which I heard Hank got from a new wave hooker girl.

Oh and merry fucking Christmas you crazy motherfucker!!!

God's Speed

Sometimes you just gotta be a lucky number 7. When I started this run Lasse cheered me on with: "Agressive start, I love it!" At the point of the photo I am about to do the third turn with a heelside to frontside turn (goofy) and as you can see it's a wide one, really carving it up. I continue down in the bowl like a bat out of hell, but when I come to a standstill there are boulders inches under the fresh snow. Heart's beating, blood's pumping, mouth's smiling and brain's thinking "You lucky duck, can I have some more?".
Karl

Should I stay or should I go?

Came back from dinner, which was really good. I know I should go to bed but I just can't be assed. It just so great to know I don't have to work tomorrow. You know the feeling?
I bet you do! Just being able to anything you want. At the moment I am contemplating Australia, since I was back in the flat where I used to hang out with Princess. Maybe I should just bust a move, if it was entirely up to me, which it is, I would. However, I am not sure she would concur.

Should I stay or go! Karl

twisting, turning

I spent the last two of days in Spain and Madrid. It was good fun, obviously work got in the way of even better fun. Anyway, my long term and highly esteemed colleague Jonas came down and took me out in Madrid. After dinner we ended up in this cool punk pub, where they played heaps of Scandinavian music like Gluecifer, The Sounds, Backyard Babies and of course they played, like any respectable joint, TURBONEGRO. Shit yeah! The dj was even wearing the t-shirt. Once approached about this he informed me that he had just seen them at the Aqualung. Fucking hell. They had been playing while I was preparing powerpoint in the hotel room. It ruined my night a bit, but just goes to show they are worldwide babie!

Anyway, now I am back in Oxford and in my untidy apartment, some of you know just how untidy it can be, and yes it is. Tomorrow I am of to a dinner party which should be good fun!!

Stay insane Karl

20-30 cm of powder the day before and God graces us with blue skies and sun on our last day. This is me doing a wheelie after 500 hight meters off pist adventure among the rocks. All smiles!!

23:23:23

some one is thinking about me!! Thanks Elisabeth (due to flight changes champagne was postponed) and Professor Brainiac for your official blog comments. A big up for all of you who have sent or called in more old school greetings, you know who you are. This birthday was unusual in many ways.

1. The guys in one of my favourite bands were playing in Oxford and all came to greet me. Thanks Failsafe (check 'em out or loose out)!!
2. My car was not delivering the 180 hp, so I had to drive along the M1, M25 and M40 doing 42,5 mph (which was amazingly quickening).
3. Had the bestest day ever riding powder in France yesterday, keeping my on a high all day. Quote of yesterday: "It's a rental, don't be gentle".

Apart from that nothing is new under the sun and once again spaceboy is at home. Stay tuned for some more hardcore action.

Karl

PS Does any one know why the police is giving me the silent treatment. Are my bribes finally paying off?

PSS Thanks for your card princess, give me a call when ever you have the time. We should talk!

PSSS Give me just a minute, while I fuck the world (and yes, I've got an erection)!

Space boy you're going missing

yupp that's right folks. I am off to Val d'Isere and will be back on the 10th. I got my digital camera today with French manuals. Pixmania driving my maniac.. Anyway, it will be got to get away from it all for awhile and hopefully get some boardriding bliss injected in my veins.

Stay friendly and loving to one another (including pets as well as dogs and the odd human). Post a greeting since I will be turning 32 next time I log. I am a sucker for stuff like that. Additionally , please feel free to donate a token (or more) gift to your local earthquake relief as the people in Kashmir are dying in droves as I write this (support the unexploited parts of the world, so we will have something left to exploit).

Go You!
Karl

Turbonegro Part II

Sorry for all the boring shit ass post I've been posting lately. It just because I am not a Londoner. Today however I've just returned from a kick-ass Turbonegro gig in London. I managed to sneak my way out of the freaking job-assignment that was about to interfere with my gigging. Yupp, I do have some priorities even though some of you dont think I have any style what so ever.

So I drove straigt into Camden, which is central London. My eyes were totally wired since I've never been driving there before. Got a park and had a small chat with a friendly parking warden. Then I had some noodles while waiting for the Brainiac to arrive, which he did. After his long awaited arrival we entered the club through a block of queues. If you've never been to Koko's before. I got a few words for you. Go! Ops that's just one word, ehe. Sorry (even though it's meaningless). It's like this old theatre with heaps of balconies and booths, all painted in decandent red whit chaneliers and stuff, plus this huge disco ball three stories up.

Juliett and the Licks, was alright for a starter. Matt pinched her bum as she crowd surfed past us. Legend has it that her buns are firm, and Brainiac is now in a postion to confirm this firmness! To me it was like watching an angry vegan chick in aerobics class doing some alright rock and roll with a dash of hip hop.

Then Turbonegro went on and the place just went mad! Maaaad, I tell you, Maaaad! The songs were as usual fantastic. In between them Hanks informed us the the Trafalgar square X-mas tree is a gift from the Norwegean Sailors as a thank you for all male and femal British prostitutes. Because there is only one thing that the English does well and that is to sell their bodies! Tehn the played, yeah that's right, Sell you body! At this point Matt sends me crowd surfing. There's a first for every 31 year old. Hank then states that the band gets a hard time for not being politically correct, but if there is one thing they it is political and damn correct as well, after which he spreads the ashes of departured fotballer George Best. It's only crap and cigarett butts, since Best drank himself through two livers before dying. Once the ashes are spread he sprays the crowd with beer, according to Best's instructions with a personal message from Best: "Don't just get wasted, get wasted again!" And then the show continues with, yupp that's right Brainiac, Wasted Again.

After to encores, they leave us dancing around to a Zorba, after which I discover a lone shoe, which after a couple of test runs, turns out to be a cindorella's. After a kiss, she whispers that I am very cute (in Swedish, she's english though!). At this point Matt picks up the shoe and swings it in my face, which causes a permanent communication break down and we plant the shoe back on the floor where we found it, and got the fuck out of Koko's.

Well, that's about it, and yes, I will try to get a life!

Karl

Raggasaurus

Hung out at the Gappy Tooth on the Friday. Yeah, the Nazi piece for there in it's full glory in the Denture and this amazing band call Raggasaurus played super elegant dub. So I run out of the next act to catch up with the guys:
"Thanks guys that was super good!"
"Thanks, we have not really rehearsed anything"
"Do you have like an ep, cd cause I really liked it".
"No"
"Do you have a webpage"
"No, we are just settingup the band now really, and getting in an mc and stuff"
"So how will I find out when you are playing?"
"Well if you like give me your number I will give you a call when something is up".

So now my idols have my number, awesome! Then I met up with good friend Martin who came over from Sweden this weekend. We went to Turf Pub and had some pints and went back home for more drinks and talk. Saturday was nice, with some rowing action on the Thames, Colleage tour followed by dinner and a visit at Frevds. Sunday we drove up to Southpark, Port Meadow and then Martin got on the bus to the airport.

Speaking of airport I nearly freaked out this evening when I could not find my passport. After 30 minutes sheer terror I found it, which was good, cause I am flying to Holland tomorrow morning.

Karl

THE RETURN OF EXAGGOMAN

THE RETURN OF EXAGGOMAN, !!check out the 27-entry hilarious!!

nothing much

was up climbing on sunday. did not crack any single problem, but it was good fun. teeth every where tough, so once again i was skinned alive. just like those commandos in predator, or almost.

anywho, this weekend, the gappytooth is on. drop by around 8 at the zodiac, pick up a denture and enjoy my illustrious company. friend is coming over from back home as well, so it will be good to catch up. have not seen him since i mastered the toasts at his wedding.

well gotta go wash up, get dressed and go to merry old work!

have a super good day
karl

cones man, cones

after being through various shit up cowley road and the zodiac, even a pash, we got back into civilised territories. placed some cones in the middle of the road, giggled, watched the pork and giggled some more. smilex and dr lee fucking rules! go boy go!

karl

Low class at it's highest

eventually i got well again. eventually the police has found a precinct to patrol. eventually the booming french past-time receded back to 250 torched cars a night.

nothing much happened this week, due to my brush with a cold. there is not much to report. looks like work is picking up again. might fly around a bit to the netherlands, to spain and italy in a short while. somehow i have not gathered any excitement for it, but this time i will be planning the trips so perhaps it wont just be airport-hotel-conference-airport, so maybe i should be a bit excited.

apart from snowboarding in france in december, i am flying home for xmas, so the family is all excited. i get to choose what food mom's gonna be cooking. i am being spoilt and i love it.

grandma called yesterday and i almost slipped up and got that feeling that frodo's got when the golden eye is looking at him. you see, mum and dad have not told her that they're off to new zealand in january, cause she would be pissed and worried. instead they concocted this story about looking after my nephews in germany. so there i was saying, yeah right they are going to NZ in january, and she went no they're off to germany (i could feel they eye on me, swear to god). so i went you're probably right, i cant keep track of them (parents).. i think i got away with it. smooth, real smooth.

today it's all misty in oxford and cold as well. frost on all houses almost like a fairy tale. today i might order a digital camera, send in the interview to russ, go to the zodiac to get some punkrock injected in my ears, wash up, laundry, cook food as well as get cracking on the visa stuff (i've been postponing it long enough).

karl

ps as a bonus i might use some braintime to get going on another story. i got some good feedback on my nazi piece from the southern hemisphere and my very own editing princess. who you might remember from earlier posts such as "why do american punkrockers go out with the new wave hookers. he he

No one is completely useless - They can always serve as a bad example

No one is completely useless - They can always serve as a bad example

All I ever wanted was everything!

..but now when I have caught a cold all i ever want is to warm up to normal.

nose and eyes started running at work today. beads of sweat forming on the frontal lobe casing, mind forming thoughts on the inside of the casing, can i blow my nose in the suit pockets. got home. flat is a mess. dont visit.

sigur ros, bjork and turbonegro playing.

fuck the world, i dont need to dominate you, just heat me up sun.
karl

only three weeks

..and then I will be back in Val d'Isere for some boarding fun. He he he! However, first I am going to the wall hopefully tomorrow.

Nazis dominate Oxford, Join the Resistance!

Your next door neighbour is highly likely to be a Nazi. Oxford is full of them. Relax Nathaniel! I am not talking about the dawn of the evil Hitler, not even about the freaks that march around with their cute black caps and pretty little leather belts. No, I am talking about a whole new breed of Nazis. Be aware, as they come in all colours and shapes. To find out more, read on!

In the Third Reich, as you might remember from history class, there were these old school Nazis. Their time has fortunately come and gone. However, through observational studies my research team has been able to identify the following modern types of Nazis in today’s Oxford along with their preferred breeding ground: The Living Room - the style Nazis, at Christ Church Collage- the intellectual Nazis, at the Castle Tavern - the gay Nazis, at the Goose – the time Nazis, at the Gappy Tooth - the dental Nazis. What do all these Nazi bastards have in common, you might ask?

Well, within their sub-segment they tend to dress alike, think alike and are very much self righteous. Just like the old school Nazis they generally prey in packs, only it’s not a convoy crossing the Atlantic in their sights, but your self esteem and in extreme cases your meagre existence. Yeah, that’s right, just like under developed school bullies, they will single you out before they ruin everything you want to be and everything you thought you were. How do they go about?

It’s very tricky to define their mode of operation. No true scientist has ever been able to penetrate their worlds, which are filled with secret handshakes, frowning looks, special clothing as well as a plethora of weird accessories, and return. However, it’s is not difficult to tell when you’ve been exposed to their uncanny techniques. Have you ever felt out of place, too dressed down, too dumb, too straight, too late or that you’re being treated like a green horn simply because you’ve never had a root canal? Well, guess what Mr/Ms Zillion Dollars? Your Ego has been blitzed and you are a victim of a modern Nazi attack! To find out how to make sure you never ever feel that way again, don’t stop here!

Firstly, decide if you are going to avoid Nazis by hanging out with good people. If you insist of hanging around Nazi playgrounds you are more likely to be targeted, it’s just a question of time. Secondly, don’t listen to their Nazi talk, you don’t have to you know, it’s not like they’re Jedi Knights or something. Thirdly, obtain the mental attitude of a bumble-bee. This might require some practise, but try the following mantra: -“I love you too, Nazi”. If nothing helps, contemplate Turbonegro’s “Rendez vous with anus”.

Karl

The writer is loosely associated with the political wing of the Oxfordese Liberation Army. Do you want to report Nazi activity or name a new species of Nazi – email the Denture. /Editor

As sent in to be published in the Denture November issue (figers crossed and wood touched)

Calling the police

since stuff happens. I just want to say to all the Kopp:s out there. All is forgiven as long as you stay alive, because we love you!

karl

I laugh you!

Well, had dinner yesterday with my neighbors. It was kind of cozy, with good food, drink and talk. I hope I managed to keep the balance between talking and listening, but I don't think so since I can't for all the gold in world remember their names. I'll probably try to invite them back during next week or something cause one of them is off to South Africa on Saturday.

Matt had the greatest laughs I've given him for a long time, just from watching my roof climbs. I did not do great and, after ripping off a lot of skin, I had to call it a day with an open problem. We met this NZ girl up at the wall, and I had to interpret for Professor Brainiac. -"No he did not really mean that he would grope your fine features, when he offered help. I believe he wanted to offer some brain assistance. You see his fiancee does not allow him to touch". She went -"Ahh, I see". Matt went -"Your so inappropriate Karl". Eventually the fellow country man and girl got along and separated as friends after Matt had lectured her in the art of climbing (without touching).

God is Great
Karl

gay guy fawkes and the incompetence of englishmen

weekend contained a dinner, a bonfire, a fireworks display, a movie, a visit to russ and a concert. even got a some goodies from russ in the shape of the promo for mattafix's signs of a struggle as well as tix to sunday's young knives concert at the zodiac. mattafix is the band that warmed up for tamel camel (talib kweli) in the ghetto (london) a while back, and I really wanted their album. now i got it and it listens really well. russ is truely a santa with anti-beard and he has a german shepard as a reindeer with anti-horn.

the sunday concert was pretty much average, but after a rainy and stay-at-homey sunday it was good to get out of the flat and belt a few pints. met up with richard, head dentist, and just chatted about the gappy tooth, reviews and bookshelves. apparently i need to get in touch with this stuart to write some kick ass reviews for the main music organ in town. sounds like science so i am not 100%-sure i wanna. miri was kind enough to drive me and matt to and fro, which was, as the new zealanders say, convenient. miri rules, not only matt but more in a general sort of way!

friday's broken flowers was alright. a little slow at times, a little too lost in translation, a little too stylistic but it was not entirely without charms. i loved how the end was not an end. to be continued or not, in your face you dumbass movie-goer.

yeah, almost forgot to mention my little saturday crime-high. after sneaking through the fence to watch the fireworks, i waited around for x & y. when they finally emerge, they walk straight into the flashlight beam of a guard. naturally i distance myself a little but it is all in vane when y goes, hey karl ra ra ra. thanks, that's the last time i go out with you while you're on flu-medicine! eventually i end up being the only one paying (i still do not know how that happened). however, i cant deny the rush i felt when i snuck in to this charity event (yeah, i am bad and 15, i know). anyways it was good to pay since big fat charity tycoons with billions of pounds need to get them from somewhere, and to get the foxy secretary to do an abortion does not come cheap (i am told, and apparently to keep the missus happy is even more expensive).

well that's about it. tompa and cissi got back to me, after being quiet for a long while, during the same week. awesome. tompa to get my address and send a wedding photo. cissi to comment on the blogg. well, if i wanted your comments i would have asked for them. oh, just because i asked for them does not give you the right to comment. fine, be that way (yeah, stay the same cissi, do not ever change, apart from actually giving me some directions from time to time)!

on a worldly note, i observe that the french addicts, the spookes, the spicks, the suburbian scum (the interior minister named his power base himself, he he he) have finally administered the cure of all social ills, car burning (careful, so you do not od). apparently it has taken several years of research but now the froggies have finally found a market for their cars as well as a solution to their unbrotherly society. here's the cure again: scum burns cars, cars get built, jobs are created, scum finds job, scum turns into a frenchman (i do not know which scum i prefer). civilized society? well i guess we have to come back another day.

fact: so far the aftermath in Iraq has killed more than 10.000% more human beings than the birdflu.
fiction: i loved you.


god have mercy on us all.
karl

Rainy days revisited

Oh well,

so the weekend was tops. The climing yesterday went of the charts, pink problem eat your heart out! Afterwards I was sitting, all smiles, shaking up on the top of the wall. Adrenaline: high, sweet high...

However, now I need to refocus on my medium to long term happiness. England has once again showed itself from its dark and rainy side. At work the wicked forces are potting against me. Amor is not a "straight arrow" man. Well I am going to baffle you all including the scientists!

Karl

Kicking back

and waiting for room service in Germany. I am half way through the week and it's alright! Caught the train to Reading on the Tuesday and sat down with Suzie, Caroline and Olivia and it was superfun and followed by another tight set! This morning was fantastic in Sweden with the sun rising over a wintry Baltic Sea. Tomorrow I am pulling on the suit and make an appearance in Germany, after which I can go catch up with family. Yeah!

On a different note I can inform you that my fingers have almost healed and maybe a Sunday climb will happen. If not, there are always manic Mondays around.

Karl

Erection!

Did some pretty awesome progress climbing the walls tonight. I just went for it and got the move that eluded me last time around. It felt pretty good to look down and hold the rail like a champion. Psyched out and not interested in beating around the bush, I took on another problem and nailed it after a couple of attempts, but of course Miri humbled be before I got it. Then I almost got the pink problem, and I would have conquered that too, but unfortunately I ripped the skin of my fingers just as I was about. Now I could just stand there smiling and feeling amped.

Tomorrow All You Miss in Reading and then I take Denmark, Sweden and Germany, leaving Belgium for Turbonegro after they've won the MTV awards.

Thanks Brainiac!! Karl

anything, everything

The weekend is a mellow thing this time around, which is working out for me. Instead of suffering from constant hangovers, I've been doing some good thinking along with good cooking. All this thinking and taking back control over my life has made me feel a lot more positive about anything and everything. I guess that big parts of the positive vibe is because:

• I am getting used to the fact that Princess is not in my life and I just have to deal with it. She's doing great from what I can understand, which is exactly what I wished by the fountain during our away weekend. So if anything, I am thanking God for everything.
• work is picking up again and this week I am off to Sweden and Germany, which should be good. Especially since I'll try to meet up with family in Dusseldorf.
• I've discovered that I will most likely be able to socre enough points for an Australian visa.

Last week involved some really interesting climbing. You know like fun, but also scary. Sometimes just have to follow the Professor's intructions and just GO! That's what I did on the last attempt, touching the top-bar only to fall all the way down. I reached my comfort zone's outer limit and eventually crossed it, feeling really great afterwards. Grraaooo!


Strange information supplied to me today from one of the Sainsbury's cashiers: She has seen Lion king several times and loves the score. I went: uhu, it's a great movie... I left the store feeling like I had met a kindered spirit. It's exactly that kind of thing that I love saying to bewildered fellow men.


Anything, everything is good!


Karl

Santa Came Through!

Great things do happen to persons from time to time. Russ came through for me this weekend. I am set up to interview this really cool band that I've ben ranting about before: www.allyoumiss.com. I've never done an interview before so it will go off.

I guess now I just need to make sure that I don't come across like a grouper, because I do not want to be abused backstage. Um, yeah right, whatever!

Mattolladew and I went around to the Jericho Tavern last Thursday and All you miss ripped it apart for us. It was their thightest set ever.


Waiting for the reindeers! Karl


The reindeers just dropped off two tix to Turbonegro's gig at London's the Koko in November. I bet the Professor will be happy about that. Thanks you midnight-sun horses with horns!

Sorry, We’re Fresh out of Fun!

A few nights ago I was at the Big Speakers concert at the Zodiac and they were really good. I mean the first two songs were pretty slow but nice, and then they picked up pace. The song that made the most impression on me was about that saying sorry is meaningless. I liked that a lot and it’s going straight into my toolbox.

After looking around the club after the gigs, without finding a decent girl, I and Mattolladew walked out. On our way home we spot an awfully lonesome cone on the pavement. So like the good Samaritans we are, we place it in the middle of the road, and stand back. A geezer drives up to it, gets out of the car, throws the cone to the side and drives off. We giggle from a safe distance. A little later, as we walk into town, we encounter yet another cone, which we obviously place in the middle of the road, before being on our way. Next thing we know this fun-loving girl is shouting at us, explaining that she has taken the cone to the side. Oh well, thanks honey! I guess that’s why I put it there in the first place. Now, you might be excused for wondering why I even bothered to write this, but the episode with the fun-loving girl made me ponder life in general and the anonymous system in particular.

To lead a fun life is pretty hard nowadays. Sure, we got and abundance of food, drink, health and can expect to outlive our ancestors with great many years. However, why are we not happier? Some people complain, just like the Big Speakers, about a system that does not love them back. Well, I cry for you as well as for Argentina. Nobody deserves to be loved by a system, period. Some people become activists and try working against the system. Go on, be a crusader, but pretty please not on my watch. Nobody gets away with tearing down what others built up, plus it’s just too Bin Laden. Others turn into a herd and go on about working with the system. Forget it! I will not cheer you on as you remove cones from the middle of the road. Nobody remembers conformity and it is not the way to harness your beauty.

A fun life involves sneaking yourself through the system with your soul intact. If you are caught out, which happens to me more often than I like, remember Lincoln: “You are what you are. Be a good one”. Did that come out like a system to beat the system? Sorry, I guess I am fresh out of fun.

Karl

As Published in October issue of the Denture

Walking on broken glass

This afternoon something really wierd happened. I guess it was some sort of panic attack, cause I just could not follow my train of thoughts for longer than 5-20 seconds. The brain was just so restless. I would start thinking on one thing, just to start another thought. I tried to go for a run, but even that was to hard, I just could not focus on it. If I had had some sedatives or tranquilisers I would have used them, but now I just had to sweat it out. It took three to four hours before the brain had navigated itself out of the glass field.

All things considered it was a really good weekend. I met up with some work mates of Matt's at the Hobgoblin for some good laughs, stories (Girl getting stabbed with knives and heroin needles) and pints. On Saturday we went in to London for a party in a super nice pad, which was filled with really mellow people from the southern hemisphere. I had a great time even though it was a round five in the morning until I was back home. We, Matt, Miri and I, even managed to buy a hoodie and get some good sushi in Soho.

No read cars today! Karl

PS Booked the trip to Val d'Isere this week!!

Got Dental Issues?

Steve Larkin Tounsi Harry Angel

It’s that time again, so I rock up at the Zodiac to get my new braces fitted. Big cheese dentist Richard greats me with one of those perfect grins that only professionals have.

Performance poet Steve Larkin educates us in an interesting session covering our love for Melody, sex, fat and professors regurgitating others work in their little compendiums. It’s entertaining and Steve brings down a lot of laughter. One of his lines neatly sums up my previous relationships: Is she the one for me? She is history!

Tounsi’s ginger headed drummer, jamming blues-looking keyboardist, four-eyes of a stand up bass player and dark Arabic lead singer make up an unlikely act with unlikely songs. As Tunsi sings in Arabic with a wailing voice, I know I am in for a treat. There is a nice oriental ambience in their music combined with traditional blues and rock influences. If these guys continue to do their ting well, then there’s a good chance that the world will start believing in itself again. Keep it up and come back!

In their best moments Harry Angel let the drums and bass drive there music, in a similar way that Queens of the Stoneage do in songs like Hangin’ Tree. What they build up, however, is unfortunately all too soon lost for no particular reason. Clearly there is talent in this band, but I would like them to use those rhythms that they now mostly keep to themselves. On the other hand, what the does an immigrant like me know, apart from the welfare system?

The art work on screen during the evening was really nicely combined with some worthwhile quotes. Most interesting contrast was the shot of a sterile parking complex at night combined with Tunsi’s prayer-like voice. It was as if Jesus and Allah tried to tell me to wake up and to keep stuff real. I read on the wall: “daylight was something I only caught a glimpse of”, before I walk out in the dark with my new braces. Maybe I caught a glimpse or maybe I am just a new age hooker.

Karl

Review Gappy Tooth Night September

Let's go to hell

I am currently drifting through life, without knowing where to go. Too many degrees of freedom I say, I do not know where to go to lead a happy life. However, that’s a contradiction it would seem, because, my mind is not set up to be happy. It is consistently trying to improve on the present. It’s in our genes so to speak. As a species, we were never meant to be happy.

All this time, I’ve been chasing an illusion, a non-existent oasis. Funnily enough this does not make me relax. It stresses me out even more than the search did. If can’t be happy where do you go now then, my brain keeps churning over and over like a mad man’s brain.

So maybe I am mad and ought to be sectioned, but I guess I am ever so elusive to the men in white. I am wearing the normality of an abnormal with such a grace that they do not even get what’s moving around in my head. A bit of paranoia, an obsession with happiness, abnormal fear of being lonely plus an inferiority complex, I wonder how much I can charge the NHS for my own diagnosis.

Let's go! Karl

Update on stuff and other things!

A few loose ends to tie up, in todays update. Buckle up, here we go!

-Scandinavian Airlines conducted a noise measurement for the plane I flew with during the past week. Next week they should be sharing their findings. Goliath will soon be on his knees, praying for mercy!
-Princess was not to keen on New Year's, so those plans are off the chart. She cried and stuff and I have not been feeling like a million buckaroonies either.
-Looks like the traditional Val d'Isere trip is going to happen in early December. That will go off, even though the line up is slightly changed this year. A second trip looms in February, but is still not definite. Board-riding bliss, fill my veins God!
-I am contemplating to get the fuck out of England by means of an Australian Visa, but it's such a hassle to come by one. However, I think the dream is not getting closer, gotta chase it!
-The September issue of the Denture contained my "punkrocker story" and the next issue is probably going to contain my review of the Gappy Tooth night as well as the masterpiece "Sorry, we're fresh out of fun!".

Finally I am forced to issue a warning about Peppers Burgers on Walton Street. Today I feel like as if someone had performed sloppy intestinal surgery on me. Last night was like an orgy in spew and faeces. It's just too bad I am not into that shit.

Keep it unreal! Karl

Dan Marino should die of gonorrhoea

Hate never does any of us any good. Why is it so easy? Love always makes us all beautiful. Why is it so hard? God, I think Satan got the better of you. Maybe you should not have bet your only son whilst high on Genesis?

High on crime
Karl

What’s your poison, baby?

Guns ’n’ Roses used to do a little, but then a little got more and more. How do you know that you’re an addict?

This thought occurred in my mind as I was thinking of ways to live next door to Princess, which is draining valuable brain-time. I am still not sure if I am addicted. It could be my work, love of status quo, my restlessness, my love for humans and Princess or a combination of all. However, even if I knew, should I really pursue an addiction?

Alcoholics tend to pursue their favourite past time, i.e. drinking, with a vengeance. However, drinking does not seem to make alcoholics happy. In reality is seems that pursuing certain addictions sometimes make you unhappy. On the other hand my dad pursued my mum with the conviction of an addict. He once told me that after he met my mother that was it. He never looked back and at the moment they are touring the states together having the time of their lives. Clearly, some addicts seem to turn out alright, even though they stick to their poison. On the other hand, an ex-girlfriend’s workaholic of a dad had a heart attack next to the machine he was working. Some addicts apparently come close to dieing or actually die. With both happy and unhappy results my test, whether it is good or not to pursue an addiction, ends inconclusive.

However, what seems to cut across all the behaviour of all addicts is that they do not seem to have a choice in the matter. Since I am contemplating options, I guess I am drug-free. Nevertheless I wish I could join the addiction-craze and turn from contemplating to action. Please, dear God administer the poison that is rightfully mine!

Karl

You want to be a passenger?

You see me walking down the street, you see me downing a pint, you see me laughing and you see me getting on with life. Don’t you want to know me? Don’t you want to be my friend?

Take a moment to relax, before you do anything rash. When you’re ready to leap, leap! I’ll share some wisdom with you. I’ll share my life with you. Climb aboard!

I love you already. Karl

Sunny spells over London

The crowd chants Kweli, Kweli, Kweli whilst right hands are waved. You might be excused for believing that you’re at a religious meeting or in 1930’s Germany. Unless, you took a closer look at the crowd, which consists of Indian, African, Asian, European and American youths high on life.

Kweli has given us his second encore, and the spirits are high, since A-grade hip hop has been on our collective menu for a couple of hours. It’s Sunday evening at the Shepherds Bush Empire, and this is just so much better than watching the weather on the news.

We rock up, after the usual problems by the door, just catching a glimpse of Lethal Bizzle. It is a bit of a bummer, however, the Mattafix soon smoothes things over and then some. They are a multi talented act, including a steel drum, singers, drums, a bass, guitars and an organ along with a talented lyricist. Their music makes sense on a bigger scale and their words shoot straight into my mainframe. If they ever change their name they are destined to plague us all over the airwaves. This night I could not care less about all of that, as I am drifting away on Caribbean flavoured hip hop.

Kweli is a new acquaintance of mine, introduced to me by the Professor. I thoroughly enjoy his set, his approach to performing and the openness of it all. It’s a mixed set with old and new songs, with a DJ set as well as break dancing on stage by audience. When the lights come on we’re all smiles and a content bunch of concert-goers. Thanks Kweli and thanks Mattolladew for saving me from the weather report or possibly another boring space launch.

Karl

Review London September 2005

Going for it!

There comes a point when a man's gotta choose, to decide what to do!

I wish I felt it was as easy as it sounds, but years of programming has made me forget what I am going for.

Anyways, went for dinner at the Jericho Tavern tonight. After Miri and Mattias had left, me and Matt climbed the three meter wall opposite and had a smoke. This colobian guy climed up to us, and eventually we ended up at the short films evening he and his girl were organising at the Fenix. Pretty random stuff, but made me think that if the writing is on the wall, you sometimes better stop and read it.

Checking in and out. Karl

Taking on Goliath

In one of my last efforts to solve divide, I emailed the SAS customer relations director today. I pointed out that I now feel that his company:

1. Places it's customers in harms way
2. Knows that what they are doing is not appreciated by customers
3. Does not care enough to take measurements to determine how dangerous it is
4. Feeds me nonsense information to make me go away
5. When I call their bluff they stop communicating and ask me to turn to their suppliers

All I can say is that this guy is the wizard of customer relations if he can make me choose Scandinavian Airlines again. If you ever fly with them make sure you do not get seat 33A, unless of course you wanna claim some hearing aid off your insurance.

On a good note. I saw a couple of red cars today, not many yellow!

Stay insane, the system needs you. Karl

Travels, trips and rides

All good things come in triplets, unless of course they don't. I'll let you be the judge of that!

Still waiting to find out what's the go with Princess. I know she's all busy finding out stuff about her new habitat, however, I just wanna know if she wants to do the boogaloo over New Year's. Matt is on to me though, "patience" he says "patience", just like Obi Damned Kenobi. Well, I'll try but maybe I'm not all virtues. Especially since I got this Emperor whispering like a monkey on my back. Nevertheless, it's been some time since I cared, so it's all good.

My strife with the SAS hit a new low mark today. This is defintely the area where I am channelling my frustrations at the moment. I sort of feel like David as I pick a fight with an airliner, but just as David I intend to come out on top. Give me just a minute... and I'll chop my gold card, never to fly with you again.

On the good front is the planning of my next ski holiday, which will be awesome. Hopefully I will be able to round up the usual suspects as well, but Matt brought a trip with some Chinese Cherry people to my attention today. Options options options

Have a super good day! Karl

Spanish bull fighting

I am down again. Thanks God, for letting me soar for a while though. You got to compare things. Like Laika, she's still soaring although she died four hours after take off some 40 odd years ago. At least God brought me down alive.

So here I am after some hard battles on the floorball court today, just longing to trade it in for some Spanish class on Thursday. Although, I already have a pretty good grasp of the language, "Que grande", "Rapido rapido" and "Tu eres un Toro".

Waiting for salvation
Karl

Love it to Death Punk!

The insane Norwegian super-heroes have once again graced the shores of Britain. The band came out swinging with “All my friends are dead” at the Rescue Rooms up in Nottingham. Or rather in Nothingham, if lead singer Hank von Helvete gets his way. Fresh from the Leeds festival he has only just spent a few hours in town. During this time he has already established that there’s nothing to do in Nothingham, unless, of course, you partake in the towns favourite past-time, male prostitution.

After a bunch of their incredible songs like Sell you body, Fuck the world, Wasted again, High on crime, City of Satan and Get it on Hank let’s us sing along. Immensely pleased with our efforts he offers us all a place in the band. One small condition apply, we have to offer our anal-cherries to Mr Sailor man, Happy Tom.

After a brief break in the end, they come back with their calling card song, I got erection. The crowd goes mad as Hanks tells us how it feels to meet a woman, to think of blood as well as to dig a hole in the ground. When they walk off the stage to the sounds of a Greek zorba, I and Kris watch the punk rockers form a ring and dance faster and faster. We nod at each other knowing that Turbonegro has once again exorcised their flavour of black magic on us. A few minutes later I leave the Rescue Rooms, grinning and with a big fat boner. I GOT ERECTION!

Nothingham Review, 2005 August

Tantrums lurking?

I am so exited. It's like my heart is racing a million beats per second. How can life be so much fun? I know I am going to come down at some stage but please let me stay up here for a while, pretty please God. I am enjoying it so much.

Went out for a biggie last Friday with my best friend, Mattollague, in Oxford and we just had so many laughs. The world continued to show itself from the sunny side on Saturday as well, first by an email from Princess and then I finally got to talk to this awsome bass playing girl, Olivia in "All you miss". On the Sunday I came out on top of Mattias in an intense game of squash and then just hung out with Matt and Miri, after setting up the blog.

Tantrums? Ggrrraaoooo outta my way!
Karl

Why do American Punk Rockers go out with New Wave Hookers?

I don’t know and I don’t like it. I come from Sweden and Swedish punk rockers go out with punk rock girls unless they go out with Princess.

She cracks me up every once in a while, like the time I and my brother were discussing the gases in periodic system after a gig and stumbled on the noble gases. She just went, “what are you on about, there’s nothing noble about your gases”. Now I know that she knows all about the periodic system, she’s never smelt my farts and just triple played me. I love it

I guess I was partly to blame, since I had already downed six pints by the river, before showing up to our first date. After dinner, as I ran for election, I was unable to support my own erection. Fortunately, her upper lip was just as stiff as mine. Lately, she sometimes sort of motions me to come, in a way that some girls do simply because they know no better, but with her it feels like she is kind of shouting me back. I love it.

I guess the real reason why I think before I open my mouth is because she listens. Not because she’s one of those people that just tries to find five faults. More important, it is not because she’s analysing me to come back and haunt me later. When she speaks, she is not one of those emancipated women that just love to hear their own voices. She has something to say, and I love it.

Nowadays she lives in another town, country and hemisphere. Perhaps that is why Americans keep dating the bullshit new wave hookers, maybe they stick around. I don’t know and I would love to keep it that way.

Karl

The Dawn of a new era

Yeah, that's right all you good folks out there. Prepare to listen in on a regular basis to hear some ranting from hell! Karl von Helvete has arrived on Blogspot on public demand.

Stay tuned for some darkness!

Regards
von Helvete